Randomness and a Dash of Anxiety

I had a pretty decent weekend. Friday after work Hubby and I spent some time just walking around the mall. I bought the colored jeans for our photo shoot…In a size smaller than I thought I was! 🙂 Saturday we just lounged around the house and watched retro tv shows (1960’s Batman, Lost in Space, Star Trek TOS, The Rifleman, etc.) and Doctor Who. (Great DW episode…the one where Amy and Rory find out that River Song and Melody are the same person…and they try to kill Hitler…) Then I was craving cheesecake so Hubby took me to a truck stop to get some.

On the way home we talked and Hubby said he was starting to feel in a rut and depressed. he said he just felt overwhelmed but didn’t want to burden me with it because I was under so much stress. We had a nice chat about how that can’t happen. We need to be able to confide in each other when we’re stressed and losing control. I think it was a good discussion.

Yesterday Hubby came to town for a fundraiser for DECA. I was going to go with him but the sneaky little brat let me sleep. He never woke me up. That’s alright though, I needed a day to myself. I locked myself in my bedroom and did crossword puzzles. The around lunch time I got bored with games and puzzles, I started watching Netflix. Orange is the New Black came highly suggested from friends so I thought I’d watch an episode or two. I ended up getting sucked in and watched 8 yesterday. Such a good show! Unnecessarily dirty sometimes but it’s a good show. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prude but some of the nudity just doesn’t serve the story. I’m completely okay with it being there for realism or when it is part of the story but sometimes it seems to be nudity for nudity’s sake. That aside, I enjoy the show. But seriously, with Laura Prepon and Natasha Lyonne, who wouldn’t love it? Love them both! I can’t wait to watch the last few episodes of the season.

So on the IF/PCOS front here’s the deal: I’m now on CD50. Still no AF and no symptoms that the bitch will rear her ugly head anytime soon. 2 HPTs (9/5 and 9/11) with BFNs. One serum test with a BFN on 9/11. I’m ducking out of work a bit early today for an appointment with a new Gyno. Last week I was so excited. Today, I’m still excited but nervous as hell. I wish I had gotten up early enough to shave my legs. I feel like a yeti. I have a feeling that I’ll be starting Clomid. I’m excited about that but scared because if I don’t cycle I can’t start it. I’m dreading another triggered cycle. Provera was not fun last time. It shouldn’t be so bad this time but I don’t want to worry about it until I know our plan. I’m kind of miffed at Hubby right now. He has had 3 weeks to call our old hospital to get his semen analysis results and hasn’t done it. Now I have my new appointment and I still don’t have those test results. He is however, getting me the account # so I can look up his results and print them off. Then I can just bring them to my appointment.

I feel bad for him too because I haven’t reminded him so it’s kind of my fault. Yes he’s an adult and shouldn’t have to be reminded but I coddle him and always remind him. I forgot until this morning so it’s not really fair for me to be angry with him. If I had remembered sooner it would not have been such a big deal. I do this though, I get nervous for something and then freak out about every little tiny detail.

Realistically, I know that this appointment is going to be fairly uneventful but I’m scared because Hubby can’t be there. He can’t get out of a prior committment. And I am fairly certain we’re going to discuss Clomid and that will be the end of it. However, I have this deep-seeded, although irrational, hope that they’ll tell me that AF hasn’t shown because I’m knocked up. I know that’s crazy. They did a blood serum test at the clinic. It would have shown up. It did not. I do know that there is a tiny chance that the test was wrong or my wonky cycle meant that it was too early to detect. But I also know how much more likely it is that I’m just not pregnant.

Well to end the post on a good note: I’m down to 201 lbs. So close to ONEderland! I think I can do it by next week. I just have to be mindful of what I put into my body and how much I work out. I can do this!

This entry was posted in family, health, Infertility, marriage, PCOS, Positive Outlook, pregnancy, weight and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Randomness and a Dash of Anxiety

  1. I love Orange is the New Black so much it isn’t fit. I have been reading spoilers for season 2 already! Yikes! Hooray for jeans being a size smaller. That is awesome and shows that all of your hard work is paying off. I know you will hit ONEderland in a couple of weeks. Yeehaw!

  2. knalani says:

    So close! That is awesome. And I love OITNB too! The characters are so great. Just finished season 1 with C last night…

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